Great.
Great! Just give me a second to change the film.
Okay.
Okay, I know I'm not supposed to know.
But I do, and I am so excited for you.
What... what's going on?
Monica's pregnant!
Oh my god!
Is that why you guys had to get married?
Guys, I'm not pregnant.
Huh. Slow swimmers?
What?! What do you mean?
You're not pregnant?
You didn't tell anybody I was, did you?
No.
I'll be right back.
Now, why don't we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Oh, about that.
Joey, you have to change before the party.
I can't. I don't have any other clothes here.
Find some, please!
Anything that doesn't say I died tragically in France.
Well then, why don't we see the bride and the groom and the bridesmaids.
Okay.
Hey! Mon?
Why did you tell the guys you weren't pregnant?
Because I'm not.
We found your test in the trash. If you are not pregnant.
It's because I am.
- What are you talking about? - What are you talking about?
Yes I.
I am with child.
And I didn't wanna say anything, because it's your day.
I didn't wanna steal your thunder.
Wait a minute. So you told people I was pregnant?
Does this look like a conversation I wanna remember?
- Who's the father? - Yeah!
I can't say.
- Why? - Why not?
I can't say
because he's famous.
Oh my god! Who is it?
Phoebe, come on! You have to tell us.
Okay, okay.
It's James Brolin.
James Brolin is the father of my baby.
As in Barbra Streissand's husband James Brolin?
What?!
Well he never said that to me.
F*R*I*E*N*D*S
Uh, Monica, if you can step away
we'll get Chandler and the bridesmaids.
Okay.
How about just the bridesmaids?
You know I'm the groom, right?
I was told it was kind of a big deal.
It is.
Oh my god.
Thank you for doing that.
I just can't deal with this just quite yet.
So instead you told me Monica was pregnant?
You said that she was. I just didn't disagree with you.
Huh! Sneaky.
Yeah.
Smile, ladies!
Oh, by the way.
H-hmm.
James Brolin?
I know.
I can only think of two names. Him and Ed Begley Jr. and then
I remembered he's gay, so.
Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.
Really?
Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time
Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!
Before we go out there, I got a present for you.
Honey, I'm not gonna put my hands in your pocket.
I've been taking dancing lessons.
What?
Yeah, for the last six weeks.
I wanted this to be a moment that we'd never forget.
Oh, that is so sweet.
So, would you care to join me on our first dance as husband and wife?
Of course.
What's the matter?
I don't know. It's these new shoes. They are all slippery.
Are you gonna be able to do this?
Not well.
Well the good news is, I don't think anyone's looking at us.
So, ready to talk about it?
No.
Now?
No!
Okay, we will talk about something else then.
Who's the father?
Look, honey, you know what? I haven't told him yet, so
until I do, I don't think I should tell anybody else.
Yeah.
That's fine. That's fair.
Is it Teg?
Oh. Phoebe!
Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop.
Okay.
Is it Ross? It's Ross, isn't it?
Oh my god! It's Joey!
Please stop it! I'm not gonna tell you until I tell him.
A-ha! At least we know it's a him.
Oh, sweet lord.
I'm sorry, okay?
I went down to the gift shop, and it's either this or the bathrobe.
What's more important? The way I'm dressed, or me being with you on your special day?
Honey, I'm not even gonna pretend I was listening.
Hey, hey!
Hi?
I'm Ross. I don't believe we met.
I'm Monica's older brother.
Oh, hi. I'm Mona, from her restaurant.
Hello, Mona from her restaurant.
Mona. Wow, what a beautiful name.
You think so?
I always kinda hated it.
Come on! Mona Lisa?
Mona.
Uhm.
Kleklokin.
The famous botanist?
Oh no.
She's a... well she's dead now but..
supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.
Really?
Uh-huh.
Well, see I never knew about her.
Linda Kleklokin.
So, what a...
what table are you at?
Oh... me too!
Good.
Now there will be some one there who likes my name.
Yes there will.
Oh guess what, Mollie Gilbert?
You've just been bumped up to table 1.
And if it's alright with you I'm gonna take your place at table six.
Martin Kleklokin.
That's better.
Now just bend your arms a little more.
There you go.
Okay, look straight ahead.
Now this time, I want you to really put your ass into it.
Yeah.
Chandler, darling, look! My date has finally arrived.
I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Dennis is a dear old friend, and a fantastic lover.
Bravo, Dennis! Thanks for pleasing my mother so.
I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony.
I was stuck at auditions.
Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new broadway show.
I don't believe we've met. Joey Tribiani.
Dennis Phillips.
Oh, I've admired your work for years. You've done some really amazing stuff.
Oh, thank you.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get myself a drink.
Be back in a moment.
Wow, Dennis Phillips.
That's great. How did you guys meet?
Well, you know? It's a funny story.
Funny ha-ha, or funny pook-pook-uh-ugh?
Thank you, thank you very much.
Now, if everyone will please take their seats, dinner will be served.
Hey.
I thought you were at table 6.
Ah, no. 9.
Oh! See? Before when you showed it to me, you had it that way, which...
was misleading.
Well.
Hello?
Chandler.
Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips?
Because if I could get into a Broadway show then I would have done it all.
Film, television and theater.
Only thing left would be radio.
And that's just for ugly people.
What size shoe do you wear?
Uh, eleven, eleven and a half.
Great. My shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor.
Can I borrow the boots from your costume?
I don't really know where I left those. Sorry.
Those aren't 11 and a half.
Okay, fine! I'm a 7.
I have surprisingly small feet.
But the rest of me is good. I'll show ya!
Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant?
Oh, you know what, honey? Let's not talk about that right now.
This is so huge.
Sure! But come on! As big as your wedding?
Of course not. Nothing is.
Wow, between me and you.
- Yeah- In this day and age,
how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?
Hey, you know? Sometimes you can do everything right,
everyone can wear everything they're supposed to wear,
and one of those little guys just gets through.
How?
I don't know. Maybe they have tools.
Well, I talked to her. And she's definitely gonna have this baby.
You know, she said she's gonna raise it on her own.
Well, maybe that's
maybe that's really brave.
Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be.
Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that much.
There's a lot to think about.
I mean, how is she
how is she gonna handle this financially?
How's she gonna juggle work?
Does she realize she's not gonna have a date again for the next like
18 years?
I don't know.
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
I'm just thinking about Phoebe.
Poor knocked up Phoebe.
Champagne?
Oh yes! Thank you very much.
That's actually how the French drink it.
Well.
Just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin.
Oh really?
Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer.
But he said he would leave her for me,
and I said "James, James Brolin, are you sure?"
James Brolin said
Rachel is really the one who's pregnant?
What?!
Why bother?
How do you feel?
I don't know. I don't know how I feel.
This is all happening so fast.
I have to make all these decisions I don't wanna make.
Somebody just take this away from me!
Calm down. Maybe you're not pregnant.
What?
When I got pregnant with the triplets,
I took that test like three times just to make sure.
Yes, maybe it's a false positive.
Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
How many ways are there to do that?
I'm just saying, don't freak out until you're a 100% sure.
All right. I'll take it again when I get home.
You gotta take it now.
Come on. Do it as a present to me.
Okay, thank you.
Okay.
I'll run out and get you one.
You guys are so great.
Oh wait a minute!
Who's the father?
Oh no. She won't tell us.
Come on! It's my wedding!
That could be my present.
Hey! I just gave you peeing on a stick.
See, this is why you register.
It was the chair again, okay?
I'm not doing it!
It wa... Look! I don't... You know what?
Hi?
Hi.
Would you like to dance?
Sure.
Great.
Dr. Gellar?
I wasn't farting!
A little game from our table.
Yes?
Dr. Gellar, will you dance with me?
Maybe later. Right now, I'm about to dance with this lady.
Okay.
Unless.
Unless this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first.
I'd be happy to.
You are very sweet.
Yes, I am.
In fact, hey! Why don't we try it my special way, and you can dance on my feet.
Sure!
Yeah? Hop on up.
Is the pretty lady looking?
Uh-huh.
Keep dancing.
And the world will never know.
Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?
Yes. I told him how talented you were.
I told him all about 'Days of Our Lives'.
No, no, no! You don't tell a Broadway guy that!
Now he thinks I'm just a soap actor.
But you are not just a soap actor.
You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.
Hey!
Thank you.
No, no. Thank you, Miranda.
Melinda!
All right.
How cute was that?
Oh. Were you watching?
Can I go next?
Of course you can! Hop on!
Okay, but I get to hop on after her.
I am so gonna score.
What?
I like your bow.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To Monica and Chandler.
The greatest couple in the world.
And my best friends.
Now, when I first found out that they were getting married, I was
I was a little angry. I was like
Why, God, Why? How could you take them away from me?
Then I thought back over all our memories together.
Some happy memories.
And, and there was some sad memories.
I'm sorry.
And, and some scary memories.
And then, and then I realized
I'll always be their friend.
Their friend who can
speak in many dialects.
And has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity.
Oh! To the happy couple!
Thank you.
That was very nice, Ashley.
Can we do it again?
No, no.
So.
Is it my turn now?
I'm next.
That's okay.
You can dance with her first.
Oh, you sure?
Okay.
Okay, so what's your name?
Girth.
That's pretty.
What're you doing there, Girth?
Dancing on your feet, like the other girls did it.
Okay.
Hop on, Girth!
Why aren't you moving your feet?
I'm trying.
Faster! You're not going fast enough!
Maybe I should stand on your feet!
So, did you
happen to catch my toast up there?
Oh my god. That was for my benefit?
Well, I like to think there was a little something for everyone.
I heard you were casting for this new show.
Look. Joey, I don't think you're quite right for this project.
See, that's where you're wrong.
Whatever it is, I can do it.
And if you didn't see it up there, just try me.
It's an all Chinese cast.
Can you be Chinese?
Well, I'm not proud of this, but.
Oh my god. No, no, no. Please don't!
Hey!
You ready to get back on the dance floor?
Did it turn into sand?
Come on!
I love this song.
Come on! You'll be fine.
No. No.
Do you know why I took all those lessons?
For the first time, I didn't want you to be
embarassed to be seen on the dance floor with some
clumsy idiot.
Oh, sweety, you could never embarass me.
Okay, you could easily embarass me.
But, come on! It doesn't matter, right?
I married you.
So, I'm gonna dance on my wedding night with my husband.
Come on!
Just try not to move your feet at all.
There you go.
Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested.
Why?
You stole my moves.
How much longer?
Thirty seconds.
Thirty seconds, okay.
Did I miss it?
Rachel
I want you to know that
if it's positive we're gonna
I know. I know.
- You do. - Uh-huh.
It's time.
No!
Go ahead Rach.
Oh wait, you know what? I can't. I can't look at it!
I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me. Somebody tell me.
Okay.
It's negative.
What?
It's negative.
Oh.
Well there you go.
Phew.
That is. That's great. That's really great. Great news.
You know, 'cause the whole...
not being ready and kinda financial aspects and that.
Wow, this was just so the way this was supposed to be.
Well, then great.
Uh-huh.
Thanks. God, it's so stupid!
How can I be upset over something I never had.
It's negative?
No, it's positive.
What?
It's not negative. It's positive.
Are you sure?
Well, yeah. I lied before.
My god!
Now you know how you really feel about it.
That's a risky little game.
Are you really gonna do this?
Yes!
I'm gonna have a baby.
I'm gonna have a baby!
With whom?
Oh, it's still not the time.
I just didn't see the fast song coming.
Don't try to talk.
We'll get you up to your room. Soak your feet.
- It'll be Okay. - Thank you.
That is so sweet.
Yeah.
No, I mean it. There's so few genuinely nice guys out there.
Tell me about it.
I feel like I'm holding down the fort all by myself.
It's Joey, right?
Yeah.
Wait a minute!
No! I'm the nice one!
I'm the one who danced with the kids all night!
How small are your feet?!